Happy New Year 2016

...and yet my chronicling of our family is still in September. It's so hard to keep up with! And just doesn't seem to be the most important thing to do in the midst of other things around us. Although I will continue to try to get some things posted...as my husband loves to have the blog to look at. We all do.

So 2016. I'm going to be completely honest. I'm not really looking forward to it.   I know everyone is gung ho about a better self and life in 2016, but I don't really believe I can control all of that. I can seek God...for certain.  He can mold me and love me and make me more like Him. But this can be painful too. Good in the end, but the process hurts. And right now the pain that is to come in 2016 is more prevalent to me. We've enjoyed such blessing most of our lives.  No, our lives aren't perfect, but let's be honest, there's not a ton to complain about. Finding out this week that my Grandma has terminal cancer that is doubtful to even give her several more months of life has me not looking forward to 2016.  2015 will probably be better than 2016.  That's what I'm feeling right now anyway.

With that said, God has been so very gracious in directing us home this December and having Christmas with every single person in our Berry family...without us having any idea what was to come just weeks later. I am amazed at how He loves us in the smallest, yet most meaningful ways. Gram & Pap were so thrilled to have "all 42 Berry's there." It's been 5 years. He loves her that much. I'm comforted by this. It still hurts so very much in some moments...or most of New Year's Eve. And then He brings relief, and I see His hand. I made my Gram's calendar again this year. I worked endlessly on it to get it right for her this year...putting photos on every single person's birthday! I wanted her to love it. When I got the confirmation of her cancer, I told my mom, "Oh no...it says "Cheers to a good year" on January! It's obviously not going to be a good year. She gently reminded me that maybe it will. It depends on our perspective.

"Lord, give me perspective in 2016. And please hold my Grandma tightly. Give her peace."

I love you so much, Grandma.  I wish I could tell you right now.